Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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