I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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