I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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