Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
