I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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