I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
