I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
