Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You pole danced in your parka.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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