The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
