Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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