her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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