Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
