I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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