dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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