clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
