got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
