I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
