i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
