Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
