My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
