just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
