You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
