I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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