Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
