pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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