I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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