As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
