My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
