You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
