when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
