those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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