Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
