I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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