you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize