I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
