Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
