thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
