She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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