This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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