i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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