Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
