i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
