First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
