Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
