I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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