Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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