and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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