There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
