Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
