Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
