dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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