I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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