hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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