Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
