clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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