Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
