i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
