when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
