Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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