her vagina looked like bernie madoff
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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