You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
