Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
