I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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