im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
