I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize