Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
