we have pet lesbian snakes
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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