I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
