Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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